I [feeds] You: The Simple Guide to Growing Some @#$%ing Balls

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The Simple Guide to Growing Some @#$%ing Balls

via In Over Your Head by Julien on 6/4/12

You may have them. You may not.

You may have had them (at one point). You may have given them away.

Hey, you may even have had them surgically removed. That's cool. I'm down with that.

Gentle sir/madam, I am here today to present to you an eternal truth. It is unquestionable and unalienable, unassailable, unbendable, and above all, unkickable.

If you have balls, my friend… you're going to have a good life.

Balls are everything. They affect every part of your life from birth onward. If you got a pair early during a dice game, lucky you. But that isn't most of us. Most of us get our balls later in life, if at all, and when we get them, it's after scrapes, bruises and lots of scars.

How do I know this? Well, I'll tell you. For a very long time, I did not have balls. Like most people, I wasn't born with them. I was a big fucking wuss, actually, and I got emotionally beat down again and again by the world. This happened for many years.

But I'm not bitter. Quite the contrary, in fact. I feel good about it. Why?

It made me earn and appreciate it. It was hard, yes. I was fucked up by it for a while, sure. But I'm over it now, and when I woke up from my self-imposed miserable state, there they were.

Whether your balls are real or metaphorical doesn't matter. Hell, real balls don't always demonstrate themselves and metaphorical balls are often much more evident.

Women often have more balls then men, because they learn to fight for them. Men feel entitled, and so stay children their whole lives.

Whatever your gender, it's never too late to get them. You can have balls at any point in your life. If you want them, you can get them. You can start today. Therefore, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you–

The Truth About Balls

FACT 1. Balls are like medals. They are one thing, and one thing only: earned. When you have them, they are inalienable. When you don't, getting them seems impossible. But it can be done.

You cannot be born with balls. They are not transferred from one generation to another. You cannot inherit them. You cannot buy them. And only people with the gift can bless others with it.

Therefore, you have to understand that you cannot grow balls until you act as if you already have balls! This is really important. Write it down in your handy reminder app.

FACT 2. All of your life needs more balls. Your fashion choices, your words, and your decisions– everything. Everyone is waiting for you to step up to the plate, but only balls will get you out of the dugout, time and again, so you can actually make a difference in the world.

"Balls" sounds like a noun, but its actually a verb– and so you can practice it. Every day, when you see something you want to do, act immediately as if you already had balls. That moment of resistance is actually easy to overcome, and beyond it is a bunch of actions you know you need to take.

Example! Months ago my sometimes co-author and friend Chris Brogan introduced me to Paulo Coelho, a master of the pen and sword, and yet I cannot for the love of God answer the fucking email!!! Ok, I'm going to go do it right now.

There, I feel better. Now your turn.

FACT 3. Ok, this is an important one, so listen carefully. There is fundamentally VERY LITTLE difference between people who do amazingly well and people who are normal. There are many almost Martin Luther Kings, and even more almost Vivienne Westwoods and almost Malcolm McLarens. But there is only one of each of those, and there can always only be one! Here is a Queen video to remind you of that.

The reason that I tell you this is to remind you, in absolutely every circumstance, what the consequences of having no balls actually is– a silent consequence because it is just an absence of results. But don't let this persuade you that nothing is what was fated to happen. In fact, the opposite is true. Something is always possible– but rarely does it actually happen, because no one is willing to put in the fucking work!!!

FACT 4. Every day, people hand over their balls to others. They are never taken away– this actually cannot happen. Instead, they are willingly removed and handed to another person or institution. And if you are observant you can actually watch this happen!

Many people would think that the life is taken out of a person as they age. They become weighed down, Atlas-like, by the many burdens of the modern world– children, mortgage, family, worries.

What is not talked about is that two things actually happen when someone has a great weight on their shoulders. One is that they are slowly (or quickly) crushed. But the other is that they get stronger.

DO NOT LET THE FORMER HAPPEN TO YOU. Use the weights of the world as pressure to strengthen your resolve. As Marcus Aurelius once said:

Our inward power, when it obeys nature, reacts to events by accommodating itself to what it faces – to what is possible. It needs no specific material. It pursues its own aims as circumstances allow; it turns obstacles into fuel. As a fire overwhelms what would have quenched a lamp. What's thrown on top of the conflagration is absorbed, consumed by it – and makes it burn still higher.

READ IT AGAIN. YES THAT QUOTE IS JUST AS AWESOME AS YOU THINK IT IS. God, I'm resorting to capital letters. I must be angrier than I thought.

FACT 5. The greatest and final fact!!! This one is the best… check this out: YOU'RE GOING TO BE DEAD SOON ANYWAY SO WHO CARES WHAT HAPPENS!!!??? This part is the most amazing of all. Seriously how easy is this.

You could die in a bed sitting by yourself having nothing to show for your life. Or you could be these guys. Your call.